It helps that (for now) he’s in a relatively safe place although given the current world political climate I’m under no delusion they wouldn’t hesitate to send him elsewhere if needed.
We deal with that if it happens.
It’s not what I’d choose for him, but I fully support his choice to stay in and do what he knows, loves in his own way, and is really good at. He’s my best friend and little brother. If I got to choose? I’d wrap him in bubble wrap, rainbows, and kindness. For those who have met him, you can guess about how well that would go over.
We don’t get to choose though, so we do what we need to do to get through and keep it together state side. Truly, one of the reasons I keep it together (mostly) (some days) is that I know it makes it harder for him to be away when we’re not okay.
I can’t tell you how many people have asked “How do you keep it together, Court? I’d be freaking out/a basket case.” Shrug. We just do. Until we don’t. Then we lose it in a big way, take a deep breath and get our ish back together – hopefully, before he finds out.
Really? Denial and distraction. Bully Hill profits will be good for the next few quarters if you want to get stock now. (I’m only partially kidding.)
This is the fourth time we’ve faced this. The first time I learned to crochet. That’s worked out pretty well for me. The second time I ran. And ran. And ran. I was up to 5 miles when he came back and I decided that was enough of that nonsense. But I can still run if I want/need to. I think the third time we were getting ready to buy a house and started trying for a baby. That one didn’t work out so well for me, but I was teaching a lot, life was pretty decent, but it wasn’t my best time.
But now I’m getting the house sold, babies aren’t something that are particularly on my radar, and the thought of training for something running wise doesn’t excite me.
I have some amazing friends who have made wonderful suggestions to distract me such as writing essays to help other families, trying new recipes, boxing, yoga-a-day, volunteering with the local ASO, cross stitch, learn to play guitar, and a few other things that are escaping me. Oh. School.
For now, I’ve started a yoga-a-day group on facebook and if you want in I can add you. It’s a great group of supportive ladies who love me and/or the Bro and I know it won’t just be about yoga.
They are my touch stones to get me through #4. We’ll do it. Together.