It finally caught up to me.

2017-08-16_10-46-48It hit me about 9:200am at my desk. An overwhelming set of hot tears dripping off my face while I silently sobbed for a solid 20 min at my desk.

I had just read a text from my brother thanking me for letting him know that a mutual friend of ours mother had passed yesterday.

Just because it was expected doesn’t make it any easier other than to know she’s free of pain. I didn’t know her, but her daughter is a good friend and I’m heart broken for her.

I hate having to be the one to tell him these things. Really, what I hate is telling anyone someone they care about is gone. Or that someone they care about lost someone close. I’d rather tell him than have him not know. I think that’s worse.

There’s been a lot of loss in the last month and it caught up to me. My dear friend’s husband (who was also a dear friend), my childhood best friend’s grandmother (which brought up a lot of feelings surrounding my own grandmothers’ passings and missing them), and now this. (This doesn’t even include the people I heard about but didn’t know or wasn’t close to the person who lost someone. I feel for them, too.)

It doesn’t even include the heart ache or the anger for the terrible things going on in this country right now, but that’s a whole other post that I may or may not ever write.

Now it’s time to start dealing with the emotions and not just putting my head down and one foot in front of the other, soldiering on. I still don’t really have the time to do so, but now I don’t really have the option.

I know I’ll be okay. I have a great support system, physical labor to do, and know that I’ve gotten through stuff before. There are joys and beauty to focus on still and damn it, I see them. I just have to process the rest too.

About Court

I spend a lot of time on the pool deck and making treats in my kitchen amongst other things.
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2 Responses to It finally caught up to me.

  1. Annie says:

    Huge, comforting hugs….you are such a blessing, to so many people.

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