I don’t usually do a weekend recap because although I enjoy my weekends, I don’t think many of you care what I do for most of them. Also, as my bro said over the weekend, I’ve gotten a little boring.
I do wish to tell you a little bit about my weekend though so I’ll summarize parts with a word.
Complicated. I spent a good portion of my weekend cleaning at Mehmere’s house so it can be ready for the renters. My feelings tied to her former home are difficult to express, I think because it doesn’t look, smell, or feel like her home anymore. The flower beds and gardens are gone, her collections of stuff are gone and it doesn’t even have the smell of slightly stale coffee going for it any longer.
Dirty. Saturday, I scrubbed and swept. Scrubbed and swept some more and then moved things to scrub again. I chased Brody around and through some what I hope was mud and then back to cleaning I went. I ended up a rather gross specimen of a human being. Oh this was all after sweating on the pool deck for a few hours to start the day.
Fun. I went out with my brother and ran into some family friends out for a 21st birthday party. It was a fun night out even if my dear brother told me I’d gotten boring in the last year or so and my drinks were too girly. I told him that being married, working on having a baby, and the fact that my liver/head/body don’t like me much after a couple of drinks made it less than fun to be out an about as much anymore.
I also saw a whole bunch of family this weekend when I crashed my 15 year old cousins sleep over birthday party and then popped over to Pop’s house to say hello before heading home.
Exhausting. I haven’t been sleeping well to begin with and adding to that a warm pool deck and then many hours of moving, schlepping, cleaning, visiting, and being out and about, coming back to my desk today was a welcomed break.
Good for me. I’m back to having a lot of things weighing on my mind and heart. Stuff with both jobs, some friends, and expectations for myself have left me feeling sad. Recently I feel like I’m not a good enough family member, friend, or contributor to my world and that contributions I thought I made to things over the last several years haven’t meant anything. That’s a hard pill for me to swallow.
I know that some of the things said to me most likely have more to do with the person saying them and not me or something I did or didn’t do, but they still hurt and I need to wrap my head around it. I also need to figure out if anything is valid or if I’m being too sensitive. Even if all of the icky feelings are result of disappointment in my self and not coming from those around me, they still need to be processed and dismissed. Spending hours scrubbing, catching up with family, and getting out of my own head was good for me. It’s hard to feel bad about yourself when you get the really finish scrubbing the gross off kitchen cabinets, making 15 year olds laugh, and hugging friends and family.
How was your weekend? Can you sum it up in a few words or phrases?