I even feel a little guilty (which makes me feel worse in a way) writing this post because I am immeasurably blessed in decent health, work and love. I have friends with broken hearts, family and friends in poor health and others struggling to find work so I don’t want to sound like I’m having a pity party over here because damn it, life is pretty darn good (knock on wood). But for all the happy postings I do, I feel like to be real and share, I have to share the not as good and unhappy too…
It happens time and again and I’m sure I’m not alone in experiencing life’s funk. Nothing’s particularly wrong, but nothing seems right either – if that makes any sense at all. I feel like I’ve fully arrived in Funkytown* and you know what? Vacation here isn’t all that fun.
I’m not happy with myself in a lot of ways and I think it’s tainting how I’m engaging the world. Sometime last week, I mentally checked out of life it seems. Yes, I went to work, hung out with Frank, spoke with family, saw friends and had some really lovely moments, but as soon as the lovely moments were over it was back to Funkytown. I don’t feel fully engaged in my life and I am not shining right now.
I have to wonder if this damn virus I had (and still puts me in horrendous coughing fits which make me headachey) hit me harder than I thought. Or if it’s the fact that while I was sleeping pretty well for a good stretch, I’m back to fitful sleep that amounts to only a few hours of interrupted sleep and bad dreams. Or if it’s that some things going on at the pool have me off kilter. Or its a combination of everything.
I’m working on finding joy in small places to get me through the gloom that is my brain right now. These little bits of joy included hanging out with Kel taking a jewelry class (even if she had a headache and I had no idea what to do with our beads!), a friend finding a great job, pretty views, time spent with D’Lovely et al. for Em’s birthday celebration and delight in her Super Hero Tutu (even if it sheds glitter everywhere), and seeing family for hockey and drinks this past weekend.
Hugs from and laughs with friends and family help a lot too. These little bits of bright light on gloomy days are what’s keeping me afloat. I think you all for them.
I know what I have to do. I have to “keep me movin’, keep me groovin’ with some energy”(Lipps, Inc) and I’ll survive just fine. I’ll find my groove again. It’ll just take some work.
So that’s where I am right now. Where are you?