Hi there! We’ve made it to Friday. I’ve said it before and I’ll likely say it again, but why does it seemingly take Friday so long to get here? Maybe it was just a long week. I’m really quite frazzled.
I’m happy that you’ve joined me today. I thought I would tell you about my Nanny. I miss her. I didn’t get up and speak at her service, I just wasn’t sure I could do it without losing it and it seemed more important for me to keep it together for those around me. My brother did and I made him laugh which seemed to help a lot of people there.
What would I have said if I’d spoken that day? I have no idea. How to you summarize a relationship that lasted 35 Easters? A woman who was a force of nature and put her fingerprints on almost every part of your life? Your playmate, travel buddy, caretaker, and shopping buddy?
You can’t. Well, maybe you can, but I couldn’t find the words that day. Truth be told, there’s just so many to use I’m having a difficult time putting them together now.
(An aside, had I thought of it, I’d have gotten my cousins to line up, in age order and say their name and ages for the camera. She was always trying to get us to do that.)
Instead of telling you more of the things I could have said at her service, I’ll tell you just some of what I know about her.
I know without a doubt that Nanny loves her kids and grand-kids with a fierceness that is only a singular facet of who she is. Fierce. She’s a force of nature, a protector, a fighter and has a back bone of steal. She’s one of the most formidable people I’ve ever known and Momma thinks that I have a lot of that in me. I also have her hands.
She was also incredibly giving, smart, had wonderful taste and was quite comical. She had an incredible amount of love and sense of doing the right thing. This was a woman who would bring naughty kids home from group homes because she felt they needed a little extra love, and who’s to tell her no? Not them. I can say though that they all left her home in a better place than when they got there. I think it’s safe to say that generally, we all did. (Even if you didn’t know it at the time.)
Some say that Nanny wasn’t an easy person though, but she was always there for me. She and I had a wild ride. When I was really sick, she stayed with me in the hospital and then in 2008, I would visit her to keep her company while she had an extended stay. She offered up a bedroom in her home when I stopped going to college and stood up for me when others were having a hard time doing so. (Although I hated a book she made me read, Little House on the Prairie and to this day haven’t finished it. I started it in 1989.)
I’m incredibly thankful for everything she did for me, everything she gave me, and everything she was.
I’m more than a little heart broken and a little lost that she’s actually gone. She wouldn’t like that though, one foot in front of the other and keep moving. She lived life and would want me to as well. Besides, as I told NotSoSweetPea, we have each other and wine, we couldn’t manage her pain anymore. Nanny’s in a more free, better place.
Someone posted this to my cousin’s fb wall and it’s incredibly fitting because Nanny gave everything of herself to others:
“Just remember me as I was,
One who loved, and lived.
Strong and faithful I was,
Everyday love I strived to give.”
Damn it, I’m going to try my best to live up to her. To be strong, giving, and to have a sense of humor.
Love you, Nanny. Million dollars.
I’ve started this post 1.000 times since we went to see her the Monday before Easter and I didn’t think I’d have to have it finished so soon. Although I said an extra good bye that night to her to her just in case, I didn’t really think it would actually be the last. I know in my heart of hearts that shes in a better place and that she’s okay now. She’s come to me a few times to let me know. I’ll save that for another post. I need a tissue.