People matter damn it

603572_401458353248982_1273921222_nAnd I’m one of them.

Last night I was texting my sister about something she was supposed to send me and I told her to just bring it with her on Sunday. (There’s  lunch thing for me that I asked she be invited to, to celebrate the upcoming Picnic with a Judge.) She told me she’s not coming because it’s her 6 month anniversary with her boyfriend and she doesn’t have the gas for her car.

Earlier you may have seen the post I wrote about not meeting my running goals. Mostly, it was because two days I chose to put visiting with someone else above what I wanted to do.

I do that. Put others ahead of myself and I generally don’t mind because I love people. I mostly love the people in my life and many of them love me too. That said, I don’t always feel the love from others. Especially after all the times I put her first as my little sister.  (Not to play the martyr here, but it’s a thought about the situation.)

(And I don’t always have to always feel the love, I get that’s not how life works. Sometimes it just stings.)

It really hurt that my sister decided this though. It stings that she only told me last night when she’s  clearly known for sometime now and the reasons why she’s not coming. I understand that she loves her boyfriend and that 6 months together is no small feat, but D’Lovely is hosting something to celebrate what is likely (almost surely) to be a once in a lifetime thing for me and I included my sister on the list of people who I wished to be there.

As for the money, she’s working full time and while I don’t pretend that would make her rich by any stretch of the imagination, I’m sure the (maybe) $40 it would take to drive to Albany wouldn’t break the bank. Also, our dad would totally fill the tank with gas, give her spending money and she could have car pooled with several people who are joining us.

I think what stings possibly even more, is that almost the very next text after she said that she wouldn’t be joining us for something special is that she asked me when I was going to be doing something for her.  (Dorm shopping for college.) I have told my dad that I would do it, so I’ll make it happen, but I’m not likely going to be making it a priority to be going out of my way to do something for her anytime soon as she’s clearly shown me where her priorities lie.

I try not to get bent out of sort when these things happen, but this is one time that it really hurts that she’s making this choice.

Don’t get me wrong, I won’t let her decision ruin what is slated to be a fun day with my best girlfriends, but man, this sucks.

*** Please note, I don’t hold myself up to be the best person ever. Sometimes I mess up, sometimes I have made crappy choices myself, sometimes I even choose myself over others, but not when it matters, and not for a reason like this. And yes, I’ve already emailed her to let her know how I feel. I’m awaiting a response. 

I’m also going to ask that no one bash my little sister in the comments. I might be upset, angry and hurt, but she’s still my little sister and I’m insanely protective of her. ***

UPDATE: My sister read my email and apparently has reconsidered. While I’m thrilled she’s coming, the sting from last night still smarts a little.

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About Court

I spend a lot of time on the pool deck and making treats in my kitchen amongst other things.
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3 Responses to People matter damn it

  1. yourothermotherhere says:

    I gotcha. I have sisters too. Unconditional love is a toughie for humans. Not impossible, but tough especially as we’ve been so conditioned to put ourselves first. That’s just fact.

    • I don’t think I ever said I didn’t love her, because I do love her. I think you missed the part about putting myself first…because generally I put others first.

      Something I haven’t talked about here, but some of my readers know this, I was “weekend mommy” to my sister until I left for college because her mom and my dad split up before she was born. I’ve had a huge hand in raising her and love her unconditionally even when she’s being a pain in the butt – being angry and hurt doesn’t change that.

      • yourothermotherhere says:

        Oh no, sorry I should have worded that differently. I do understand you love her just as she loves you, but it is hard sometimes.

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