A letter to Bristol. Alternately titled “Shut up, Bristol.”

I shouldn’t be allowed control of the remote after a certian time if there’s nothing I want to watch on TV. Why is this? Because I end up watching things like Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp.

*hangs head in shame*

I’m choosing to turn this into a learning opportunity though. I’m not sure who it would be a learning opportunity for, but at the very least I’m going to share my thoughts about it…

In letter format.

Dear Bristol,

Your life is weird. It’s hard. I get it. Your mom is Sarah Palin and you have the paparazzi following you. Let’s talk.

Now. Deep breath. We’re not even going to talk about the whole Levi thing which just, well, whatever. Can’t put the cow back in the barn now! Let’s talk about the fact that you decided to pack up your kid, move to a place with no support system in place so you conned your sister into coming with you for what amounts to slave labor and the fact that she wants to go home because she’s not having fun. Let’s talk about the fact that you chose to move to arguably the city with the second highest gay population in the country and where there are more paparazzi than frufru dogs and you expect to be left alone. Not going to happen. Trust me. I’d likely bother you in a bar myself if given the opportunity, but I don’t believe in making fun of people who can’t help it and you seem to not be able to help making crappy decisions.

Some  things to note:

  • Shut up, Bristol. It’s not your sister’s fault that your kid doesn’t have a father. I’m pretty sure that’s yours. Or Levi’s. Or both.
  • Shut up, Bristol. It wasn’t a stripper store or an anything goes store. It’s called forward fashion and dress up clothes. You don’t have to like it, but you don’t have much to stand on because you prefer the hoodie and jeans. In LA. Even I know better.
  • Shut up, Bristol. Life is not about you and your inconvenience. What about the inconvenience you put on your sister?
  • Shut up, Bristol. Your sister is 17. Quit trying to make her feel guilty for flaking out.
  • Shut up, Bristol. If you’re in a bar with obviously gay men who are calling you out for not liking your mom, let it go. You chose to move to LA. What did you think would happen?
  • Shut up, Bristol. I’m shocked you wrote a book. I hope you had a great editor because if you write the way you talk, EE-gads!
  • Shut up, Bristol. You must be being paid by how many times you say the word “family” because you use it ALL THE F*CKING TIME. We get it, you have a huge supportive, tight knit family who is your world. Saying it 75 times in 38 minute is excessive.

Bristol, put on your big girl panties and grow the hell  up. Willow’s character assessment of you being an “immature 21 year old mom “is spot on. You claim to have learned some life lessons? Prove it. And Shut up.

I’m going to go watch a rerun of Criminal Minds. At least Shemar knows when to shut up and look good.

Hugs and kisses and please, please Shut up, Bristol.


Side note: I do have to say that Sarah Palin actually comes across as a sort of sane mom in this episode. I don’t think I’ll be tuning in for more to find out, but wow. She seemed, I don’t know, almost normal. Clearly there’s some good editing going on!

So! What crappy TV have you watched lately?


About Court

I spend a lot of time on the pool deck and making treats in my kitchen amongst other things.
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4 Responses to A letter to Bristol. Alternately titled “Shut up, Bristol.”

  1. Katie says:

    Shut Up, Bristol – Stop trying to use mind trickery to try and rope in your “friend” who you’ve been “dating on and off for a while”. Because your Jedi-Palin mind-games are working. He said I love you. And you smugly grinned. Plus, buy him a new jacket. Thanks.

    Also, this idea is genius! LETS MAKE A TWITTER ACCOUNT AND LIVE TWEET THIS SHIT EACH WEEK! I’d totally watch the show each week if it was for…you know..”Research”.

  2. Sue says:

    I honestly didn’t even know she had a show until you tweeted about watching it. And I didn’t go looking for it, either.

    “At least Shemar knows when to shut up and look good.” *sigh* That he does.

  3. Daniela says:

    got interested after reading this. thank you. such a good post.

    (This is a spam comment. Edited to remove website. Why anyone would be interested in her is beyond me.)

  4. Pingback: Sperm. No. Spoon. No. Spam. YES. There we go. « bakinginmybathingsuit

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