I am sad today. Sad with random burst of tears and sobs interspersed with smiles and laughs. I got a text this morning from my dad that he was headed to Boston, that Mehmere wasn’t doing well at all.
I read that text quietly and wrote back to let me know if there was something I could do.(I knew this was coming, but it’s still hard to take.)
She’s down to about 100 lbs and she’s not really aware of those around her. Right now, my dad is sitting by her bedside waiting for her to wake up. She’s been asleep since 10pm last night.
When I got the text, I was torn with thoughts of should I go or should I sit tight? I want to say goodbye to her, but “she’s” really already gone. My dad said he wouldn’t tell me not to come out, but that he and his siblings preferred the grand kids remembered her as she was at Christmas, lively, funny and engaging.
I decided that I’d have a cup of coffee and decide. As I sipped coffee out of my owl mug, I thought about what she would prefer that I do. She would prefer that I remember the way she was at Christmas. She would rather me do something to honor her memory today or to be productive than sit and wring my hands out of worry and sadness.
So I will.
I’ll finish my cup of coffee, open the cupboards and make something. I’ll prep for tomorrow’s craft day and hang some more photos. I’ll wear a purple tshirt and think about the memories I have of her being Bold, Sassy, Smart, Kind, Out Going, Creative, Talented, Loving and any number of other wonderful words to describe her.
It’s what she would want. This I know deep in my heart.