I’m struggling…but it’ll be okay. I’ll figure out the good

grow quote

image from google

I have some time to kill before yoga class so I’m writing this instead of going to Target for no particular good reason. I know I’ll find something I “just have to have”, but there’s nothing I need today.

Truth be told, I’m doing better than I was earlier today when I started writing this post at lunchtime, but I’m still struggling. My head and my heart are in some dark and cold places right now and it’s only the last hour or so that light and warmth are coming back to me.

Last night’s post is only part of it. I’m struggling with frustrations. Frustrations about my office job, about the pool, about being motivated for different projects, where I “should” be vs. where I am…there’s a lot right now that I’m sorting out in my head. My bright, happy self is hiding and she won’t come out to play right now.

(Also I might be sugar detoxing. We unpacked candy bags yesterday and I might have eaten quite a bit of deliciousness.)

I know it’ll be okay and I’ll find a silver lining and grow where I’m planted, but for the moment my head and heart are struggling. I’ll find a way to come through the crap and learn from this too, but right now I’m having to dig deep to find any good in what’s going on this week.

I’m hoping that (hopefully) hot yoga sweats away all the bad thoughts and frustrations from today. If it works, it’s going to be a gross sweat.

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It was like a punch to the solar plexus

life is a highway by bro

Image from google. The words are my brother’s.

We’ve had some turn over at work in the last few months and by now, I’ve gotten sort of used to the “moving on” e-mails from the HR guy at work when someone decides they aren’t working out. Or if work decides they aren’t working out.

Some of them affect me more than others. It’s to be expected. How can they not? Some of the people who have left I’ve worked with for the better part of a decade now and had established a certain amount of comrade with if not actual friendship.

The most recent one was a good friend of mine and although I knew it was coming, when I get the e-mail at the end of last week, I was sad.

BUT! I also knew he was going on vacation and had fully planned on deluding myself into thinking I’d see him in two weeks. What can I say? My brother has seen 3 tours of duty, I’m pretty good at it by now.

I was sleepily wondering how my friend’s grand adventure was going when I came around the corner and walked past his office. I think I audibly gasped and splashed hot coffee on my hand when I saw his name plate was gone.

I knew he wouldn’t be there, but visible proof that he won’t be back was a horse of a different color.

I know it’s really best for him, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. Or make me think I’ll miss him any less.

I know that people come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime. (Or as my bro once told me, “Life is like a highway. The people in your life might be with you for just one exit, for a big part of your trip, or for the whole journey.”) It doesn’t make it any easier when they go.

I don’t mean to imply that he’s gone from my life for good – only time will tell if that’s to be the case, but I will miss our almost daily interaction. He was a friendly face to see every day, to work on projects or present with, to gripe about internal crap with, and to joke with. I will miss that.

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Things that made me smile this week…#29, 2014

I’m back at it, listing out the things from the past week that made me smile and that I’m am thankful for. It’s important to remember the things that are good to help ease the sting of the bad.

What can I say? Some weeks are better than others and I’d like to have reminders of the good for when it’s not so good. I re read that statement and it makes me feel like I’m implying that life isn’t good. It mostly is. (Knockonwood!) I just want to make sure I’m documenting the moments that shine for me so when they don’t I can find good things quickly

It’s been too long since I’ve done one of these, so in no particular order, what has been good lately:

  • Acceptance some disappointing news
  • The soundtrack to Crossing Jordan bringing back old, sweet memories. Like this Nora song
  • Mojitos and shrimp tacos after yoga class
  • An interesting opportunity coming up; email submitted
  • Peaches and cream ice cream
  • Fireworks and froyo date
  • Two Sues and two days :-)
  • Keeping up with #julyoga
  • Bad TV including Petals on the Wind, Virgin Territory, etc.
  • Footsies clearing up after the mud run.
  • That guy I Like making me laugh and taking care of me

So that guy I married? He’s been writing some cool things on his newish blog. It’s over here.

How was your week?

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Frank said…#86

This is part of the Frank said feature. You can see more here.

I really didn’t feel like going to yoga one night and I posted the following on facebook:

Anyone want to lie to/tell me I paid for yoga, I have to go? [I don't pay for it unless you count "w/ my soul"-its at the gym I work at]

I get the following texts from Frank:
image

If you can’t see it, it says the following:

Frank: You have to go to yoga. You paid for it.
Frank: Think of the children.
Frank: Christmas will be cancelled if you don’t go.
Frank: Hitler will come back.
Frank: Nickleback will win album of the century.
Me: Okay okay I’ll go!

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Friday Five: Questions I actually ask myself

image

From google images

I’m entirely sure I’m not alone in most of these so I’m sharing questions I actually ask or debates I have with myself.

It’s okay if you don’t ask yourself all of these, but could we pretend you’ve asked (or debated with) yourself at least one of them?

It would make me feel better about the weirdness that seems to be inside my head.

  1. Do I have to go to the bathroom badly enough that it’s worth getting off the super cozy couch/futon? I’m really comfortable here…
  2. Do I wear the cute/great shoes that are uncomfortable? Or go with the ones that will let my foot heal?
  3. I wonder what Shemar and Matthew (insert famous person of your choice) have for lunch. Are they high protein salad guys? Burgers and a milkshake? Candy and Doritos? What would I make them for lunch?
  4. How many blueberries could I put in my mouth at once?
  5. Did I already wash my hair or just get it wet? I think I washed it, but I can’t be sure.

Maybe I’m not that weird.

What questions do you ask yourself?

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Thursday Three: Tasty Treat

It’s National Peach Ice Cream Day! Did you know that’s a thing? Me either. Tomorrow is Caviar Day. GROSS.

Back to the good stuff.

This afternoon I heard on the radio it was National Peach Ice Cream Day and made the executive decision that we should have some. Well I technically asked Frank, but I had pretty much made up my mind.

A quick trip to the store for peaches and dairy ingredients and I was in business.  I used the base from the Cherry Chocolate Chip and drained and roughly chopped a can and a half of peaches. It ended up more peaches and cream than just peach but…

image

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the rest is delicious history. (There are leftovers in the freezer if you want to stop by.)

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Laur participates in #julyoga and here’s what she has to say about it

I’m super duper excited to have Laur answering her questions today! Can I tell you that she has been one of my best friends for about 20 years now and I absolutely adore her? She’s not only part of #julyoga and a super talented, kind and funny person, but is a lawyer, yoga instructor, presided over our Picnic with a Judge and has been part of many a hi-jinx through the years. You can check out her Instagram for her crazy difficult poses and if you’re in DC you can take a class from her!

laurpose2

  1. What drew you to yoga? I was a dancer as a kid and an athlete in high school and college. At first yoga helped me to stay limber but soon I realized it helped to quiet my mind and made me all around a happier person.
  2. How long have you been doing yoga? I have been practicing yoga for as long as I can remember…it became a regular part of my life in college.
  3. How often do you practice outside of #julyoga? I try to practice yoga every day…even if it’s just 5 min.
  4. Do you like yoga or tolerate it? Why? I don’t just like yoga, I LOVE it. I can be having the worst day ever but somehow getting on my yoga mat or teaching a class can turn it all around. The hard part is to not just practice the postures that I love but also the ones that are challenge to me. In that sense, I actually need to learn to tolerate yoga a bit more!!!
  5. Did anything about yoga surprise you? If so, what? I can’t believe how popular it has become. When I took yoga teacher training, in 2005, I was 25 years old and the youngest student in my training by at least 5 years. Now, there are so many teachers who are younger than me. It’s inspiring!
  6. What brought you to #julyoga? My dear friend Courtney Ryan!
  7. What do you hope to get out of #julyoga? I am trying to more consistently practice the postures that are hard for me (the hip openers). I also hope to talk some people who might be yoga skeptics into giving it a try.
  8. Do you have a favorite type of yoga? If so what? Anything that helps me to get out of my head!!! In that sense, I strongly believe that running, weightlifting, dancing, swimming, hiking…or just closing your eyes and breathing is yoga. If we are going a little more traditional, I would say that I enjoy a good vinyasa (flow) class. I like variety!
  9. What’s your favorite yoga pose or action? Why? Right now it is Firefly pose. I am a huge fan of the short-lived Fox TV series Firefly. At the end of the movie, there is a scene where the captain of the firefly-class ship, called Serenity says:

    Mal: It ain’t all buttons and charts, little albatross. You know what the first rule of flying is? Well, I suppose you do, since you already know what I’m about to say.

    River
    : I do. But I like to hear you say it.

    Mal
    : Love. You can learn all the math in the ‘verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don’t love, she’ll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the world. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she’s hurting before she keels. Makes her a home.

    That scene sums up practicing arm balances and inversions for me. Thinking my way through those postures never does the trick…actually logic and muscle usually ends in face plants!

    laurfireflypose

    Practicing Firefly pose

  10. What would you like others to know about yoga? Everyone can practice yoga in one form or another. You don’t have to chant or learn sanskrit, stand on your hands, or make a pretzel out of your body. You might want to but you don’t have to…You just have to be able to breath and bring your awareness out of the past and future to what is going on right in front of you.There are lots of free resources out there too. Check out Tara Brach for free online meditations or YouTube and Yoga Journal’s website for free videos. A consistent practice, even a short one, can make a huge difference in your quality of life…it can keep you happy, help to ensure that you can tie your shoes when you turn 80…you name it.

Thank you so much for answering those questions! I’m sure I’ll have more for you soon. What can I say? It’s good having direct access to such a fantastic and talented person. If you have questions for Laur, leave them below or let me know and I’ll make sure she sees them

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Oh! Did we get Dirty with @godirtygirl

In Friday’s haiku post, I mentioned that I was headed to Jersey to see Robbie and participate the Dirty Girl Mud Run. I’ve never done one before, I don’t mind getting a little (or a lot!) dirty and it was what she wanted to do for her birthday so I said, sure, I’m in. What the hell, why not?

(Other “Why the hell nots?” for Robbie’s birthdays include two tattoos and a day at the horse track.)

My trip itself was about as you’d expect when I go on a road trip myself. I got lost a few times, found my way there and we had a delightful evening chatting, laughing and having a couple of glasses of wine. We had to be up early to get to the Poconos.

pre race

Before the race, aren’t we pretty?

We met up with the team of women Robbie’s niece had put together and we were off!

Sort of. My GPS decided to shut itself off so we missed the turn and the next exit was basically 15 miles away. Not to worry, we got there in time enough to join the wave before our scheduled one.

(I’d like to take a second to tell you that none of the towns we went through on 309 seemed to have public bathrooms in their gas stations. What kind of crap is that?)

I’d like to also go on the record and say that I’m not in the best shape (like my cousin Ar who dominated her Spartan Run the next day!) I can admit that and was not under any illusion that I could run this whole thing.  However, I’m not in terrible shape and I’m strong/have okay endurance. This run was billed as a “run for everyone” though and that was entirely misleading because it wasn’t. At all.

It was on a huge farm in the Poconos which is fine, but the roughly 1/4 mile hill at mile 2 of 3.1 that rivals the ones between the two levels of Troy? I almost cried when I saw it. I truly feel for some of the women who attempted to do this course. I can do hard things and enjoy a challenge, but this was really hard.  (I was chatting with a few of them as I walked to my car and they felt the same way.)

post run

We did it! I managed not to get quite as covered as the others which was good because omg the smell.

Without whining about it too much because I’d like to focus on the positives from the weekend, suffice it to say I didn’t enjoy the course as much as I thought I would, the farm mud smell really got to me, but I loved the quality time with Robbie and we finished.

After the race we donated our mud covered and soaked sneakers and waited in line to hose off.

While we were waiting, I realized that the dried mud was easy to flake off my skin so I got to work on that. My skin is super well exfoliated now if you’re wondering. And yes, I’m choosing to ignore WHAT it was exfoliated with…

Can I tell you how nice that cold water felt? It was really amazing.  We helped each other get as clean as we could standing in more mud with a garden hose and went into the changing tents. I didn’t bother changing because I had my bathing suit and yoga capris on and as such was already pretty dry. (Smart move on my part, I didn’t have to worry about stripping down to my skivvies, I was down to something I wear on a regular basis in public!)

post run snack

Post run snack. Yes, I’m wearing my bathing suit. The lighting is weird, my hands aren’t dirty still.

Once the group was changed we went about finding snacks and beer. I didn’t have beer because it’s not gluten free so I got a sausage peppers and onions in a dish (they didn’t have forks, I made do), a purple flavored snow cone and gave my beer to one of the girls.

After a bit of chatting I realized I needed to hit the road because I still had four and a half hours to drive home. The drive home is a story for a different day though…

Over all I had a decent solo road trip, a great visit to see Robbie but I’m not sure I’d do another Dirty Girl Mud run. It just didn’t meet my (even low) expectations. I can only imagine what we’ll do for her birthday next year. Thanks for inviting me Robbie!

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JG participates in #julyoga and here’s what she has to say about it

JG has joined us for #julyoga and she sent me this handy flow chart that you might find helpful. She and I do love a good flow chart :) Who knew there were so many types of yoga? Not I, that’s for sure. Anyway, she was great and answered a few questions for me.

Find-Your-Yoga-Style-Infographic

(to make the chart bigger, you can click here)

1) What drew you to yoga?
Initially, as an alternative form of exercise (my roommate had an Ali MacGraw yoga video and I thought, why not?). Then there was this follow-along TV show on the Oxygen network called Inhale, which was insanely difficult, and even though I failed miserably at keeping up, no one could see me, so I kept trying. I liked that it was a good cardio and strength workout, without being hard on the joints like running. I could do it at home no matter the weather or time of day, and all I needed was a mat and an open mind.

2) How long have you been doing yoga?
Sporadically since 1998, more regularly via videos since 2003, in a class since 2008.

3) How often do you practice outside of #julyoga?
Once a week in a lunchtime class, plus occasionally in the mornings or evenings.

4) Do you like yoga or tolerate it? Why?
I like yoga a lot. I like how many different forms and levels and depths there are. I like that it can be both calming and invigorating, meditative and sweat-inducing, spiritual and physical, mind-focusing and mind-expanding, a link to the past and connection with others now. See also #1 above.

5) Did anything about yoga surprise you? If so, what?
That it’s not just for hippies, Californians, celebrities and/or Hindus, and it’s not just for the double-jointed, acrobatic, and/or athletic.

6) What brought you to #julyoga?
My colleague next door. ;-)

7) What do you hope to get out of #julyoga?
To create and maintain a more regular yoga practice.

8) Do you have a favorite type of yoga? If so what?
Not really; it depends on my mood. There are too many types of yoga out there for me to keep track of, so I don’t usually pay too much attention to the type. When I take a class or do a video, I look at the description and choose depending on what I feel like doing. When I get into a daily morning yoga groove, it is a few rounds of classic Sun Salutations, and/or a series of five exercises called The Five Tibetans. [Edited: J says that the first time you do one of each so "1 x spin", "1 x leg lifts", "1 x camel", "1 x staff to table", and "1 x up dog-down dog" and then the second day you do 3x of each instead of one. The goal is to build up to 21 x of each. Here's a video I found.]

9) What’s your favorite yoga position or action? Why?
It’s a tie between Child’s Pose after a long Downward Dog (ahh, grateful relief), and a nice long Pigeon Pose (to stretch tight hip muscles after sitting too long).

10) What would you like others to know about yoga?
There’s a big world of yoga out there, and there’s probably a style or teacher to suit your needs. [Edited: See chart! Seriously!] I strive to better myself, and I know that there’s always room for improvement, but I don’t try to force my body to do what it resists. Just breathe, and try again next time.

Thanks JG! If anyone has any questions leave them below or send them to me and I’ll make sure she gets them.

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more friday-kus

sad moneypuppypaid first mortgage bill
thought i’d feel all adult like
really just feel poor

***

king james made choice
he’s going back to cleveland
who possibly cares?

when i hear “king james”
i think of the bible dude
cleveland needs bibles?

***

my office is cold
really, really fricken cold
turn fingers blue cold

outside? oh outside
the wall of heat that hits you
truly delicious

until start sweating
then it’s just gross; want AC
can’t have it both ways!

***

this weekend might have
too many plans, i’m tired!
will be fun, i’m sure

going to jersey
to hang with robbie et al
and do a mud run

hockey joe’s in town
hope i get to see him too
it’s been far too long

sunday we will paint
furniture, trim, touch ups
we’re in the home stretch!

how about you? big plans?
feel free to write me a ‘ku
whatever today

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